We also have more expectations of what the relationship should be, some mothers are more than able to rise to the occasion and love their children with all their hearts, and some mothers, well, are a little bit lacking.
I have had three mothers, my biological mother, Step-mom 1 and Step-Mom 2.
I also have people that have acted like a mother to me; I especially like to remember the Beaumans, and her mother “Grandma Tucker”.
My Biological mother I never knew very well, she had Schizophrenia, and my father had to have her committed when I was about 3-4. I don’t remember her very well. She died of cancer about 8 years ago, and I was able to connect with her for a brief time, and get a glimpse of something wonderful. My older brothers and sisters had a more complicated time with her death than I did. They both knew her better and also had some complications that related to her disease.
Step mom 1, I think of her as my mom, she was there since I was about 6 or 7 maybe 8, I’m not sure. We had a complicated relationship; my older brothers and sisters had more difficulty, maybe because she was replacing their mother, maybe just because of who she was.
She was a hypocrite in many ways, so I had difficulty with that. But I thought of her as my mother, you make allowances. Her birthday is today; she has been dead for 9 years now. She was the one that when I was out shopping used to always think “she’d like this”
She was the one I originally told I was gay, she was the mom that I would go over to their house and mow their lawn on Saturdays, and then sit and drink a jug of wine with.
One of her favorite lines was, "OH, I heard a joke that will just cook your balls" I'd say " Mom, that hurts just thinking about it."
I’d tell her as much as I could about my life (while still in the closet), She was the one that when asked about my view on gays in the military, told her “Everyone has the right to die for their country”.
She would remember to call on my birthday, and call and give me hell if I did not call at least every two weeks, I think she also told dad when it was one of his kids birthdays.
Step mom 2, (my dad’s current wife) is a lot like step-mom #1, loud, opinionated, hard to always get along with. But she provides my dad with something that he needs, Companionship, Care, Love. So we honor her for that, Her birthday is the 15th of this month.
My mom & dad used to fall asleep at 8 pm, so I ‘d go out and visit the Beaumans, I ‘d sit and play cards with them, watch TV with them, it was sorta like they were my family. They were the family that asked me what I wanted to do in life, and I went camping with. At some point we moved away, and then I lost contact with them.
Mothers, they are what they are, I hope that however your mother turned out for you, that you are able to cherish her, forgive her if you found her lacking and learned to embrace her for what she is.
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