crazy dreams...
that's okay, most of them are very enjoyable...
Last night's dream was a combination of Mama Mia (the movie) and an Alec Baldwin flick. Naturally at this point I don't remember all the details, but the gist of the dream was that there was this younger son, that everyone in his family was concerned that he might be working too much and not taking time for the real things in life that mattered.
In my dream, the father had spent all of his time working, and it effected not only the relationship of the son, but of his brothers and his wife, so much so that the wife (the son's mother) was still harboring some resentment.
Now in the dream, every once in awhile every broke into some ridiculous song and was dance routine (like in Mama Mia), but it flowed seamlessly. Alec Baldwin (the younger version) was one of the uncles that was constantly checking in with the son and the rest of the family to make sure that each of them were taking time to be real with their family.
the dream goes on and on, nothing heavy, but at the very end, when they are doing a celebration of some type for the mother, the son, had reproduced a photo of the father as a young man as a present for his mother.
This photo is a picture of his father from a war zone/landing that his father was one of only 5 survivors, and that the father had seen his fellow soldiers killed in three separate landings on this same beach.
In my dream the only one who knew what this picture meant was the mother.
The whole point of this dream (to me) is how someone can chose to love you, even when you have not shared your most traumatic events (or darkest secrets) with them.
Even though that secret changes us, people are still able to love us not knowing our secrets, that they are still able to find something in us to love.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
AN OBSERVATION
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, & the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, & the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Yawn
It was an uneventful weekend, actually now that I think about it, it wasn’t.
And that reminds me why I started blogging; so that when people asked me I would not have to say “nothing”.
I could say do you read my blog? Or I could read it myself and remember. Maybe the act of blogging helps you remember.
Anyway, last Saturday we had a nice couple over from church. They live in the same housing complex as us, and I think Jerry went to one of the same classes (at church) that Cowboy did.
I made Stacked Chicken Enchiladas with Mushroom Crostini’s as appetizers. We don’t really socialize with them, but when we are walking the dog, we tend to run into them while they are taking a walk after dinner, so over time, you get to talking to them and finally we decided to have them over for dinner.
I ended up cooking all day, not that I was cooking all day, but since I made everything from scratch (except for the cheese), there is lots of chopping and of course clean the house, do some maintenance in the yard, etc. I was pretty busy.
Dinner was nice, and I’m sure we will have them over again.
-
Sunday, we went to San Francisco, the Castro, to do some shopping, and play “Whom would you do?”
The game is played like this; you go to a bar that has a central point where people are walking back and forth, and then as they go by, you say to your partner or the person you are playing with, “Would you do him?”
I know it seems like turns people into pieces of meat, but I think it is a harmless game.
I know that people are really based on how they act, react etc., that is what really turns me on.
-
On another note, I developed a rash, that has slowly taken over my body, it is not a hideous rash ((Cowboy could not even find it at first, by sight or touch)) that is disfiguring, just an itchy rash that is driving me crazy. At first I thought is was just from working out, but after it not going away and getting worse over a couple of days.
I thought it was from my drugs, so I looked up the side effects and come to find out a rash is one of the side effects (so is depression), and it said, to call the doctor right away if a rash develops, (or if you feel like committing suicide) but after going to the doctor, he thinks it isn't that, that I have a virus that is causing it.
Anyway, all I can do for it, is take Benydrl and Claritin, dust myself with Gold Bond medicated powder, and take soothing baths in Aveeno. All that is for the Itch, the rash itself just has to work its way out of my system.
And that reminds me why I started blogging; so that when people asked me I would not have to say “nothing”.
I could say do you read my blog? Or I could read it myself and remember. Maybe the act of blogging helps you remember.
Anyway, last Saturday we had a nice couple over from church. They live in the same housing complex as us, and I think Jerry went to one of the same classes (at church) that Cowboy did.
I made Stacked Chicken Enchiladas with Mushroom Crostini’s as appetizers. We don’t really socialize with them, but when we are walking the dog, we tend to run into them while they are taking a walk after dinner, so over time, you get to talking to them and finally we decided to have them over for dinner.
I ended up cooking all day, not that I was cooking all day, but since I made everything from scratch (except for the cheese), there is lots of chopping and of course clean the house, do some maintenance in the yard, etc. I was pretty busy.
Dinner was nice, and I’m sure we will have them over again.
-
Sunday, we went to San Francisco, the Castro, to do some shopping, and play “Whom would you do?”
The game is played like this; you go to a bar that has a central point where people are walking back and forth, and then as they go by, you say to your partner or the person you are playing with, “Would you do him?”
I know it seems like turns people into pieces of meat, but I think it is a harmless game.
I know that people are really based on how they act, react etc., that is what really turns me on.
-
On another note, I developed a rash, that has slowly taken over my body, it is not a hideous rash ((Cowboy could not even find it at first, by sight or touch)) that is disfiguring, just an itchy rash that is driving me crazy. At first I thought is was just from working out, but after it not going away and getting worse over a couple of days.
I thought it was from my drugs, so I looked up the side effects and come to find out a rash is one of the side effects (so is depression), and it said, to call the doctor right away if a rash develops, (or if you feel like committing suicide) but after going to the doctor, he thinks it isn't that, that I have a virus that is causing it.
Anyway, all I can do for it, is take Benydrl and Claritin, dust myself with Gold Bond medicated powder, and take soothing baths in Aveeno. All that is for the Itch, the rash itself just has to work its way out of my system.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A passing glance
You glanced my way, and I caught you looking, what was it you were looking at I wondered?
More importantly why?
What did you want, if anything? Were you just comparing bodies like all guys in the gym do, or was something else on your mind?
At first, I thought it was just that straight guy checking out the muscles, where one wonders, are my muscles bigger than yours?
But you kept looking, always looking away when I looked in your direction.
I caught your eyes a couple of times, maybe holding them a bit too long before you looked away, but I did not nod or smile. I thought you noticed that I was looking too, but maybe you didn’t think that I was looking at you. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.
You don’t have as many muscles as the guys I’m usually interested in, but I could see the hair on your chest peaking out from underneath your white tank top. I could see that you had some definition, that your belly was smaller than mine, perhaps it was the age difference. How old are you, 26-32 or older perhaps, I hope not younger?
As I worked out, I looked over every once in awhile, and you were still taking glances now and then, too often for me to think that you were straight.
That made me think, about your body, that your pecs would feel nice under my hands. I had a hard time trying to see your legs, as your shorts went all the way to your knees, so it was hard to tell what your thighs would have felt like.
But I liked the way your shorts draped over the curves of your ass, I wondered if it was hairy or smooth. What would it be like to rest my head on the plumpness of it, perhaps while you were reading?
What would it feel like to feel your body underneath mine?
Just thoughts,
Just glances traded back and forth...
More importantly why?
What did you want, if anything? Were you just comparing bodies like all guys in the gym do, or was something else on your mind?
At first, I thought it was just that straight guy checking out the muscles, where one wonders, are my muscles bigger than yours?
But you kept looking, always looking away when I looked in your direction.
I caught your eyes a couple of times, maybe holding them a bit too long before you looked away, but I did not nod or smile. I thought you noticed that I was looking too, but maybe you didn’t think that I was looking at you. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.
You don’t have as many muscles as the guys I’m usually interested in, but I could see the hair on your chest peaking out from underneath your white tank top. I could see that you had some definition, that your belly was smaller than mine, perhaps it was the age difference. How old are you, 26-32 or older perhaps, I hope not younger?
As I worked out, I looked over every once in awhile, and you were still taking glances now and then, too often for me to think that you were straight.
That made me think, about your body, that your pecs would feel nice under my hands. I had a hard time trying to see your legs, as your shorts went all the way to your knees, so it was hard to tell what your thighs would have felt like.
But I liked the way your shorts draped over the curves of your ass, I wondered if it was hairy or smooth. What would it be like to rest my head on the plumpness of it, perhaps while you were reading?
What would it feel like to feel your body underneath mine?
Just thoughts,
Just glances traded back and forth...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Making me smile.
One of the great joys in my life is our little pug, though she is getting old and doesn’t walk as well as she used to, her enthusiasm in the morning for her breakfast brings a smile to my face each time.
Each morning at 6:30, before the alarm clock goes off, she sits up and starts to make little grunting noises, she slips in a sniff now and then, and if too much time goes by without movement from our bed, she gets up and sits by the door. She continues the sound effects, getting a little louder as time goes by, and if I do not respond by a certain time, she walks over to Cowboy’s side of the bed and starts to make her noises over there.
Most of the time, some movement on my part will keep her on my side of the bed. Usually I hold out my hand, point to her bed and mumble “five minutes”, and she will climb back into bed, with a sign and wait sitting up, for 2 minutes, then she will head back to the door.
When I get out of bed, if I don’t put my robe or pajama bottoms on fast enough, she will lunge for my feet like she is going to bite me, but most of the time, she just chases her tail, until I reach the door, then she heads down the stairs, stopping at the landing to make sure that I am following her.
Next we open the door, so she can go for her morning pee, she looks back to make sure you’re watching, because she wants her breakfast, and if she doesn’t need to pee (to get her breakfast), she won’t.
Then she runs as fast as her little legs will carry her (almost like she is flying) to her food bowl, and If I haven’t made it there yet, she stops to give a twirl, and then she waits for me to place her food in her bowl, I then change her water.
After she is done with her breakfast, she will walk slowly back into the kitchen to she if Dad dropped anything, which is kinda funny because she cant see it. If we do drop something we have to point it out to her.
Then I look at her and say “potty?” If she needs to go out again, she will head for the door, if not she looks at you like you are a dummy. Then I say “okay” and she takes off running for the living room, where she gets to sit on my lap while I reflect on my life and the gratitude I feel for the people in it, until Cowboy gets up.
When he comes downstairs, sometimes I have fallen asleep, and when he gets his coffee Toshi will climb up onto the arm of the chair, while I get up and Cowboy takes my place, she will then lie down in his lap and go back to sleep.
On the weekends the routine is the same, except on Saturday she will allow me to sleep until seven.
Each morning at 6:30, before the alarm clock goes off, she sits up and starts to make little grunting noises, she slips in a sniff now and then, and if too much time goes by without movement from our bed, she gets up and sits by the door. She continues the sound effects, getting a little louder as time goes by, and if I do not respond by a certain time, she walks over to Cowboy’s side of the bed and starts to make her noises over there.
Most of the time, some movement on my part will keep her on my side of the bed. Usually I hold out my hand, point to her bed and mumble “five minutes”, and she will climb back into bed, with a sign and wait sitting up, for 2 minutes, then she will head back to the door.
When I get out of bed, if I don’t put my robe or pajama bottoms on fast enough, she will lunge for my feet like she is going to bite me, but most of the time, she just chases her tail, until I reach the door, then she heads down the stairs, stopping at the landing to make sure that I am following her.
Next we open the door, so she can go for her morning pee, she looks back to make sure you’re watching, because she wants her breakfast, and if she doesn’t need to pee (to get her breakfast), she won’t.
Then she runs as fast as her little legs will carry her (almost like she is flying) to her food bowl, and If I haven’t made it there yet, she stops to give a twirl, and then she waits for me to place her food in her bowl, I then change her water.
After she is done with her breakfast, she will walk slowly back into the kitchen to she if Dad dropped anything, which is kinda funny because she cant see it. If we do drop something we have to point it out to her.
Then I look at her and say “potty?” If she needs to go out again, she will head for the door, if not she looks at you like you are a dummy. Then I say “okay” and she takes off running for the living room, where she gets to sit on my lap while I reflect on my life and the gratitude I feel for the people in it, until Cowboy gets up.
When he comes downstairs, sometimes I have fallen asleep, and when he gets his coffee Toshi will climb up onto the arm of the chair, while I get up and Cowboy takes my place, she will then lie down in his lap and go back to sleep.
On the weekends the routine is the same, except on Saturday she will allow me to sleep until seven.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I've been Away
Not really away, just don’t feel like posting, to tell you the truth, I’m depressed.
It always starts, when I get back from the ride (AIDS LIFECYCLE), it is just an amazing thing, that I have a hard time getting back to my own real world, and it (my) set of problems.
The reality is, that my problems are just ordinary, no big deal sort of problems; why aren’t my muscles growing as fast as I want, why can’t I manage my money better, why don’t people answer their emails as fast as I want, why didn’t I answer that email yet.
Stupid things, well not stupid, but considering what goes on in the rest of the world, nothing to really bitch about.
I also worry about, things like, how come I can’t write as well as that guy from Blue Alto, or how about that Tater guy? Things like my grammar sucks. I need to finish that art piece I have been working on for (going on) two years now, and the new ones I’m working on, I just cant get the guy’s nose right, and I’m afraid to screw it up
Of course I have money problems (minor) like most people, I would love a new car, a new house, etc etc.
The reality is, I don’t need any of those thing, and when I had all that stuff, it just caused more problems, like when I used to loan my Porsche to a buddy, and then I would get so upset when he did not clean his crap out of it after he borrowed it. Well I can’t afford 3 cars now, so I don’t have to worry about loaning it out, or saying no.
To tell you the truth, while I have been away, I got addicted to Facebook and the silly games that they seduce you with. I’m worth 16 million in Owned a photo buying game, I’m a level 14 “outlaw” in Space Raiders, I also have a new puppy, and a knighthood, a city, Super Poked and Showered with my other pals.
Time I get back to my real life. (and Blogging)
It always starts, when I get back from the ride (AIDS LIFECYCLE), it is just an amazing thing, that I have a hard time getting back to my own real world, and it (my) set of problems.
The reality is, that my problems are just ordinary, no big deal sort of problems; why aren’t my muscles growing as fast as I want, why can’t I manage my money better, why don’t people answer their emails as fast as I want, why didn’t I answer that email yet.
Stupid things, well not stupid, but considering what goes on in the rest of the world, nothing to really bitch about.
I also worry about, things like, how come I can’t write as well as that guy from Blue Alto, or how about that Tater guy? Things like my grammar sucks. I need to finish that art piece I have been working on for (going on) two years now, and the new ones I’m working on, I just cant get the guy’s nose right, and I’m afraid to screw it up
Of course I have money problems (minor) like most people, I would love a new car, a new house, etc etc.
The reality is, I don’t need any of those thing, and when I had all that stuff, it just caused more problems, like when I used to loan my Porsche to a buddy, and then I would get so upset when he did not clean his crap out of it after he borrowed it. Well I can’t afford 3 cars now, so I don’t have to worry about loaning it out, or saying no.
To tell you the truth, while I have been away, I got addicted to Facebook and the silly games that they seduce you with. I’m worth 16 million in Owned a photo buying game, I’m a level 14 “outlaw” in Space Raiders, I also have a new puppy, and a knighthood, a city, Super Poked and Showered with my other pals.
Time I get back to my real life. (and Blogging)
Friday, August 8, 2008
Old as dirt
Well not quite that old, but getting up there…
Last weekend we went away to Sea Ranch, my oldest brother and his wife, their daughter and her husband, my sister and her boyfriend, and my brother Marvelous joined us
We went up Thursday afternoon, most of the family came to our place in Santa Rosa first and we caravanned up together. The way we drive up to Sea Ranch is out along the Russian River to Jenner, then up the coast to Sea Ranch through Fort Ross, Salt Point State Park, and Stewart’s Point.
If you’re not in a hurry, it is a nice drive, if you are in a hurry, well you really need to go to Sea Ranch and rest, cell phones don’t work there.
Internet Access is about the speed of dial-up, well unless you have a satellite, but most houses don’t. So you might check your email if you really have to, but it is nice to just be able to get away from it all.
We had great weather while we were there, clear with no fog, but Cowboy got a real bad sunburn, so his trip was not a nice as it should have been.
I had another Hobbit Birthday, so I got everyone gifts and cooked dinner. We started off with Wild Mushroom crostini, followed by crab cakes, then we had for dinner Filet Mignon with a red wine reduction sauce, salad and deep-fried risotto. I made for desert 12 Layer Chocolate Cake – It was not a low calorie weekend.
-
I know, no posts recently – I just haven’t felt like writing – I don’t think I’ve quit, just running dry for the moment.
I’ve been having too much fun on “My Space”, no I don’t use it for cruising, but I am involved (heavily… it’s like a drug… in the application called “OWNED”, which is an online shopping application, where you buy and sell photos (for the most profit, your own photos)
It’s also a way for my to keep in contact with most of my cycling buddies, without sending, reading email.
It is almost time to start training again. – First training class in Sept.
Last weekend we went away to Sea Ranch, my oldest brother and his wife, their daughter and her husband, my sister and her boyfriend, and my brother Marvelous joined us
We went up Thursday afternoon, most of the family came to our place in Santa Rosa first and we caravanned up together. The way we drive up to Sea Ranch is out along the Russian River to Jenner, then up the coast to Sea Ranch through Fort Ross, Salt Point State Park, and Stewart’s Point.
If you’re not in a hurry, it is a nice drive, if you are in a hurry, well you really need to go to Sea Ranch and rest, cell phones don’t work there.
Internet Access is about the speed of dial-up, well unless you have a satellite, but most houses don’t. So you might check your email if you really have to, but it is nice to just be able to get away from it all.
We had great weather while we were there, clear with no fog, but Cowboy got a real bad sunburn, so his trip was not a nice as it should have been.
I had another Hobbit Birthday, so I got everyone gifts and cooked dinner. We started off with Wild Mushroom crostini, followed by crab cakes, then we had for dinner Filet Mignon with a red wine reduction sauce, salad and deep-fried risotto. I made for desert 12 Layer Chocolate Cake – It was not a low calorie weekend.
-
I know, no posts recently – I just haven’t felt like writing – I don’t think I’ve quit, just running dry for the moment.
I’ve been having too much fun on “My Space”, no I don’t use it for cruising, but I am involved (heavily… it’s like a drug… in the application called “OWNED”, which is an online shopping application, where you buy and sell photos (for the most profit, your own photos)
It’s also a way for my to keep in contact with most of my cycling buddies, without sending, reading email.
It is almost time to start training again. – First training class in Sept.
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